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[PhoenixJudy]

Our first Christmas without Eric was also in 2001. My youngest who was 22 at the time was so angry about losing her Dad and scared over the events of 9-11. That year she had an almost manical desire to have a normal Holiday. She dragged me out to the Christmas tree farm two miles from my home and we searched for TWO hours for her perfect tree. Now mind you, I have a huge livingroom and she wanted a big tree. Well, she finally finds the perfect tree, and it is big and fat and just wonderful. We cut it down, and drag it about a quarter mile back to the car. We could not get it to stay on top of the car- it just rolled off. Finally some good hearted men offer to help me secure it with rope and many laughs. I could barely see to drive home! We get home, and the darn tree is to wide to fit through the front French doors! My son in law is out there with a saw, trimming off some bottom branches and after another hour we finally squeeze it into the living room. Into the stand it goes, but it is two feet taller than my ceilings- and they are almost 9 feet! Out comes the clippers again. When this behemoth is finally upright, I am dying laughing- this tree is about 8 feet wide, and Lizzie says- "But Mom, it didn't look so big standing in the field". I didn't even have enough lights for the darn thing! So off to the dollar store we go for more lights. Then began the usual ritual and yelling at the twisted lights...she took her Dad's role just like he did with a few choice curse words at the tangled lights he always threw into a box. It took two ladders to light and decorate this monster that now occupied a goodly amount of room. But it was beautiful. Finally that night she and I laid on the floor under the tree looking up at the tree, like we always did, when we both began to cry over the loss in our lives. Try as we might- it wasn't the same without him there to share our joy. We began to talk about our day and decided it must have been him guiding us to this tree, as he always had to have a special big tree, but usually got outvoted by his kids. That year he had his wish, and we did enjoy it. It came complete with baby pinecones and two robins nests tucked inside for good measure. Christmas Day ended up being a blessing and hell for all of us. We all missed their Dad and cried over him not being there to make the traditional pancake breakfast. Even though we did, it was not the same- no loud baritone singing and no trying to tell me how to make stuffing...But the blessing was having our four month old Grandson Joshua there to love and spoil. I always said that baby was born for a reason. He was our link to his lost grandfather and our new future. He gave us all a place to focus our love and has helped all of us. Christmas has become a Holy and Blessed season for us again, because we know the real gifts of Love and family. Dear Branch, our local church also does a Living Nativity every weekend in December complete with all the animals. It is a treat to go there every Saturday evening and hear and see the Story of the birth of the Baby. It has been a family ritual every year since we moved in. It now includes a horse drawn carriage ride around the town to see the lights of the neighborhood. The horses pull about 50 people at a time with singing and feloowship. And there is hot chocolate afterwards. Every year it is different people who play the roles for the Nativity- but it is always beautiful. I bet you make a wonderful Gabriel! And your glow is the presence of your husband and the Baby guiding you on this journey. May you all have a Blessed Christmas.

Judy

[Branch]

Judy, that's a delightful story about your and your girls' first Christmas without Eric.  Y'all have such an inspiring spirit!  And, thank you for your words about my glow - yep, those are the hands that guide me for sure!

Your tree story made me recall the first tree my husband and I shared.  We were courting; I had my place and he had his.  I wanted a tree for my place; he could not have cared less to have one in his place.  Money was tight for both of us.  We were not looking for a tree at the time we found one, but hey, we saw one and stopped to go check it out.  We could have been arrested, not to mention the tree might have been 'protectively sprayed.'  Maybe they didn't do that back then...and maybe we're why they started doing it! 

You know how they clear trees for the big erector set looking power stantions (I forget what they're called)?  They always seem to plant pine trees along side where they put those erector sets.  Anyway, I said those pines are beautiful, so he pullled over the car and we go trapsing through the trees.  They were all too big for my small place, but I said isn't that one beautiful.  My husband-to-be takes us home, gets a ladder and a saw, takes us back to the trees, and tops the one I thought was so beautiful 'cause topping it would make it fit into my small place.

How terrible of us to do that to a tree!  We decapitated it!     Somewhere along a roadside in Virginia there probably grows a short, but stocky pine tree.  Not having the money to spend on decorations, I collected pine cones, holly berries, and such to decorate the tree.  I never discarded the pine cones which decorated that tree and use them to this day to fill decorative baskets tied with bows (room color coordinated, of course!  ) and randomly place them around the house.  They still have the brown sewing thread used for hanging them from that first tree with my husband-to-be.

[KimJ]

Who locked this?  I found the key...

Such memories...I love the stories about rituals that continue to live on.  And for some reason the search for the tree is a lovely memory for everyone.  How I miss the days of going out and watching the children search for our family tree.  It was always a day long adventure and of course since the children picked it out, it was always more fun trying to make it fit in the stand and not topple over...

I was thankful that the kids had decided about two years before Chuck died that they no longer wanted to go in search of the tree.  It allowed me to buy an artificial    I can't imagine our first Christmas without him going in search of the tree...  It was hard enough to put the ornaments up 

[Branch]

Getting ready to go have the Gabriel magic work on me for another year.  What a friend Gabriel has been to me over the years since my husband's death.

Again my son cannot be here because school does not have break until the end of next week, but yet again his friends have stepped up to answer the shepard and wise men call.

I wish some or all of you could be present tonight.  Gabriel's magic might not last throughout the holiday season for you, but I know you would be touched for at least tonight by Gabriel's magic and by the magic brought forth in being with those who understand what you're going through and who applaud the courage and strength it takes to stand upright at this time of year.

In the spirit of the season, Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas!

[Branch]

I apologize for reviving a 2-yr old topic, but because Gabriel has done so much for me through the past 6 Christmas seasons, I can't let the night pass without expressing and paying homage to Gabriel.

In about 40 minutes time, I'll be putting on Gabriel's wings, halo, and drapes.

Thanks, Gabriel! 

I'll probably visit the sanctuary too to read some dedications and offer up some prayers for those I visit.

[DeeJay]

Just like last year, I am sure you were glowing last night, Branch.

I bought the sixth (sixth  ) Bob Christmas tree star yesterday. Sigh.

[Branch]

Hugs, Deej.  And thanks, too!

I bought mine a few weeks ago, but it hasn't yet been hung.  I'll be so glad when things are straightened and cleaned up around here enough to put up some of my decorations, including the tree.  It'll be a long time before the straightening and the cleaning can be properly done - right now I have to settle for "enough" and it's begun to depress me.

I'm sure Bob's star is beeYOOteeful.  Know that I'll be thinking of you when I put up the tree and hang all those ornaments that bond us.  Again, hugs.

[mixlass]

Thank you for reviving this thread ... so bittersweet 

(((Branch))) The Live Nativity sounds wonderful. I wish they did something like that here ... any sort of Nativity seems hard to find here nowadays.

(((DeeJay))) I'm sure your sixth star will shine every bit as bright as its five predecessors. I really like this idea, of buying a new one every Christmas. From my new decs this year I especially like the heart, the dove, the snowflake, and the twirly dangly thing. I think I'll wait til next year to decide which one to go with ... perhaps another dove, as he was so knowledgeable about all wildlife, but birds in particular. He could name almost all British birds on first glance, and even from their song.

I have loved reading all your festive stories, even if I'm now onto my third tissue