GrandEclectus, I'm so glad you posted an update. I've been hoping you're doing OK, and now I'm reassured!
Congratulations! I'm really happy you're in grief groups that do help.
This "grieving is a sin" thing caught my attention, too. Like any other pronouncement, there is often at least a grain of truth in every statement, even the most idiotic and unthinking reactions. But that doesn't make the statement or reaction right if the overall orientation of it is wrong, know what I mean?
It can be a sin not to grieve, because grief is a process that can awaken all of our being. Unless we understand why we grieve, how can simply suppressing it possibly be a righteous action?
I think that is the point that was meant to be made, that grief is indeed a journey, that so much of what we experience in this life can instruct us and reveal to us what we are NOT, leaving what we ARE to be experienced directly by removing all the layers of entitlement, ignorance, crowd pleasing, self serving, co-dependence, incorrect assumptions and definitions, etc.
For example, I had to experience the effects of craving for Micaela, of dumb blind clutching for her, and because of the pain of it, be forced to look at it to understand that I was dishonoring her and myself by doing so. Realizing this, then I had to realize why on that particular day at that particular time I was feeling that, which often led to exploring my regrets and being taught to eliminate the reactions and assumptions that had produced them.
As I worked through those issues, Micaela began to reappear in my life, as my hands opened and I progressed in the tear-down of the egoistic structure through which I had so imperfectly related to her, walked with her. I notice that my experiences of her are prepared for by my degree of honesty, by the extent to which I am willing to re-form my concepts of self and deconstruct my own distorted notions, to open to God. Then when she visits our communion can be spiritual, natural, real, not determined or guided by or degraded into anything less.
And I have found that my experience of Spirit, Reality I guess, has tremendously expanded in this process as well. The two, my dear wife and God, are not ultimately separate and my good relationship with them must rely on my ongoing surrender to and acceptance of absolute and inner reality, which is not the reality that the world defines or expects.
The pain of grief has driven this process. Embracing the grief means that I am driven to learn how to become free from it, to accept sadness or joy or gratitude or love without injecting suffering, without clinging to my delusions.
Hope this helps!