The Dr. gave me a shot of predisone. I hate predisone. It causes depression. Just what I need. But, my skin looks 100 x better. Now, I have to take the pills for a week. As long as it helps I will just have to deal with the side effects.
I hope you all had a wonderful New Year. I went to a friends house for awhile, and then one friend who was in from out of town wanted to stop at our local bar. I didn't want to go, but they begged me to, so I went. At first, it was real hard. Some of the regulars didn't know Buck had passed and when they asked me where he was.... it was real hard. Then they all started telling their "Buck Stories" and it was wonderful. I loved hearing all our funny stories and hearing how everyone thought he was so wonderful. They told me that people could just look at us and tell we had a great "special" kind of relationship, that most people never find what we had. How lucky they all were to have known him and how lucky I was to have found him. I felt good after that and the night got better. I had a few drinks and knew I shouldn't cause when I got home the emotions ran out. Oh well, at least I got to smile with friends and they were so proud of me for getting out.
Everyone was so comforting and understanding.
I hope you all made it through the holidays o.k. Especially when just making it day by day is hard enough. I never imagined it would be like this. I'm so glad he is no longer in pain, and I know he accepted what was happening and he was trying to get me to accept it. But, I'm just not ready to. The anger has dwindled but the hurt is still strong. I suppose it always will be. The kids have been better. My daughter has done way better. My sister and mother-in-law have talked with her a lot and spent a lot of time with her. She's so fragile right now. She's holding her head up and trying to do better. She still has issues with staying at home and always wants a friend or relative to stay the night with her. Her friends parents have been very understanding, even letting her stay the night at their houses even on school nights. It has helped out greatly.
Well, I'm going to try to get a few hours of sleep. You would think after having a few drinks last night that I would have slept good......NOT!!! I got 2 hours and then later got an hour nap. I wish I could just get five hours straight. I'm going to get me and the kids membership at the YMCA. Hopefully that will help my mind and body a bit. It will let the kids and I get out and spend time together. That's my main concern right now is just spending time with them and being there for them. I know losing their father is going to have an affect on them, but I don't want it to have a negative affect. (like them getting into serious trouble, or drug use) I know two of my kids are young, but these days you never know and I refuse to let my kids go down that road. I want to make sure all the things they learned from their father stay with them their whole life. I always want them to remember what a great father they had.
Good Night All and I wish you all well!!!!