Welcome to Grief's Journey, Sarah. I can relate to a lot of your situation. I was 26 when Ai died (actually I was still 25 for another hour or two after the fact, but that's a technicality). She died in a traffic accident as well, though I didn't need a knock on the door and two sheriffs to learn the news that collapsed my world, as I was the driver. Actually nobody ever told me, no one dared to speak the words. Not that they had to, it was written all over their faces, but the fact that nobody actively acknowledged what had happened, bothers me until this day. Precisely because until this day only a few people have had the courage or the insight to give acknowledgment to Ai's death, and to the part of me that went with her. Those few people have earned a very special place in my heart.
Just like no one speaks of my husbands death or the parts of me (which are plenty) that died the day that he did. I know that my coworkers are wonderfully kind and caring people...every single coworker came to my husband's funeral, I just get frustrated that very few recognize the new me. It is who I am now. I am broken. I am hurt. I am in constant pain. It is me and no matter how desperately they want the old Sarah...she is gone...just like my baby.
So please know you are not alone with that frustration, I don't think there's anyone here who hasn't experienced it.
The suggestions from others (who meant very well) now looking back were quite comical..."did you take your meds this morning?" "did you get your coffee?" While I can smile about the absurdity of their comments, it also makes me soo very sad, it confirms that people just don't get it. That they truly do not understand the depth of my pain, the hurt for my husband, the sorrow for my broken dreams. I am realizing/know that here...people do get it. And for that I thank all of you.
And the coffee comment! OMG! I bet you couldn't even make that stuff up if you wanted to. Unbelievable. I'm glad though, that you managed a smile over the absurdity of it. It's important in this grief journey to be able, every now and then, to see things in another light as well, instead of being in darkness all the time. But you're right, people just don't get until they've been through it. And indeed this is a place where people do get it. I can't express how important it was for me to be able to come here and realize that, and to share, and to talk, and to learn from others. Knowing that this place and these amazing people were here for me, was a great help in accepting that everyone else was mostly clueless, and realizing that and learning not to expect it from them thankfully cut down my frustration levels considerably. It didn't lessen my feelings of alienation however , but that's where Grief's Journey came to the rescue, again. I hope you will find as much relief, comfort, shared sadness, and understanding here as I have.
I am sad for the broken dreams and the emptiness?but mainly I am just so sad that my husband had a hard life and just when things were falling into place, just when things were perfect for both of us?.he was taken.
Again, very familiar to me. While sad, I've also learned to be grateful that after a loveless childhood, she was able to experience a love like the one we shared in those few years before she died so young. It's a teary-eyed kinda gratefulness
