Discussions > Oct - Dec 2010

Why Can't I Settle Down and Think?

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LindaLucy:
As I have mentioned in quite a few threads, my dream is to get out from under this house and move to Florida and start over.  This is very doable, as I have friends down there just waiting for my affairs to settle up here so I can become "one of them."

This house belonged to my parents.  Then Jim and I took over later on.  It does not hold any sentimentality for me at all.  I need to sell it and get out from under it before it all starts falling apart on me, which it is ready to do any minute.

So why is it that every time the realty company calls and says someone is coming over with their agent to look at the house, do I totally panic and act like "whatever is to become of me?"  Why can't my brain just settle down and think of the logical steps to all this.  It all seems so daunting.  Organizing moves is usually one of the things I do best.  My brain is like a kid's brain that has had Mountain Dew and a Nestle Crunch Bar for breakfast.

It's not as if I am all alone in this project.  All I have to do is call my friend Norma in Florida and my daughter here in town on a three-way call, and we can all plan it all out how to get me and my stuff down there.  But my brain is so "on edge" lately with worrying about everything else that is going on.

Next Tuesday someone is making a second visit to look at the house.  Now I'm all panicky worrying about whatever will I do.  I feel like a Southern belle and the Yankees have just come through and torched my plantation.

I'm usually not like this.  I would hate to think that Jim was the only thing holding me together.  I just want to go into my room and stay there for a month.  I have this little TV propped up on pillows in bed with me, and I watch reruns of all those stupid syndicated shows while playing solitaire instead of doing anything meaningful.

the warden:
Heart and head often don't have much in common....your heart says I can't cope, your brain says of course I can.  Life changes are damn scary, logic and reason can only go so far in conquering those fears, as irrational as they may seem to be.  The scatter brain you talk about is something I call widder brain....not sure if I heard that expression here or somewhere else, but it is so apt.  During times of intense emotional upheaval the brain circuits just seem to overload and go on the fritz. 
But it's NORMAL, remember that, don't beat yourself up cause you expect more of yourself.  You have done a great deal in a few months under extraordinary pressures.  It will improve, as each piece falls into place, I am sure of that. 
the Warden aka Joanie

Branch:
I agree with the warden, LindaLucy.  I also think that it's possible that your body/mind are protecting you from you.  There's a lot going on in your particular journey - I wouldn't fret, I'd trust that you'll ease into the the flow as necessary, just as naturally (or unnaturally) as it feels to you that you're easing off of it now.

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