Author Topic: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?  (Read 9292 times)

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Offline Branch

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #90 on: August 18, 2011, 04:33:42 PM »
That's one of the saddest stories I've ever read.  I'm really sorry, Eva.  It was wrong, wrong, wrong and you're justified in being hurt and angry.

I hope you can 'let this go', as the warden suggests, by the time September 17 arrives.  What will happen that day needs to be free of everything but honor and love.  And, so does the remainder of your journey.

...I told my dad, don't worry about coming!  He said okay since he's financially strapped and he must be somewhere else the next day.  He doesn't know the real reason why I didn't want him there...

You've acted upon the hurt your father imposed.  Decide whether or not what you've done brings you resolution.  Is this enough or will you not "rest" until he knows?  Do what will bring you rest because again, as the warden says, this will eat at you until you meet with rest.

What your family did was wrong, Eva, so wrong that I'm not sure it could ever be made right.  For that reason and for the love and honor of your husband, you're not overreacting, but for your own well being, I feel you do have to wrap this up and send it off into the wild blue yonder.  You need to regain power instead of allowing them and their actions to hold it.  Only you can decide if permitting your family to be with you on September 17 will serve you in some way, however large or small, or be a detriment.
"...In my life, I loved you more..."
The Beatles

"Real love stories never have endings."
Richard Bach

Until We Meet Again
_________________________________

http://www.griefsjourney.com

Offline sosad

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #91 on: August 18, 2011, 05:26:40 PM »
I agree with Branch, Eva.  I feel so badly for you that your family did not do the correct thing when you got married.  That being said, however, the funeral will be emotionally charged as it is, so do you want to also be angry with your family that day as well?  The decision is yours.  Please bear in mind that whatever you decide with determine, in part, your feelings, outlook and perspective that day and for a long time in the future.  If you feel better not having them there, that's fine.  Please remember that no one but you can do the inviting.

I'm sure that whichever way you decide will be the right decision.

So Sad

Offline DieNarrin

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #92 on: August 18, 2011, 08:31:33 PM »
Ok first woo hoo!   :taz:
 :taz: :taz: :taz: :taz: :taz: :taz:

passed my motorcycle test.. now it's time to go buy one.  Lots of suggestions from my brother.  Even my Dad (who just turned 75) thought it was really neat.  Thought I was going to at least get a safety lecture!

***

Eva words can't convey how I feel for you, I am sorry that they weren't there for you.  Wish I could be there for you.  I am really not looking forward to labor day weekend, it will be one year since my hubby died (we buried him on 9/11 last year).

So you will be in my thoughts and prayers as well!
There is a certain satisfaction in knowing that you are bearing with heroic resignation the irritating folly of others - Jerome K. Jerome

Offline sosad

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #93 on: August 18, 2011, 09:04:41 PM »
All I can say, DieNarrin, is  :taz: :taz: :taz: :taz: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :rate: :rate: :rate: :fd: :fd: :fd: :cheer: :cheer: :cheer: :yb: :yb: :yb: :hf: :hf: :hf: :clap: :clap: :clap: :hug: :hug: :hug: :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2: :salute: :salute: :salute:

Now you can get a 'hog'!

CONGRATS!!

So Sad

Offline Eva

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #94 on: August 18, 2011, 09:59:36 PM »
DieNarrin...thanks for some great news!    :hf:  I loved the fact you've lightened the mood a bit.  I agree with Sosad, a hog is what I had in mind.  Hope you enjoyed some cake and ice cream for your birthday and hard work!

Congrats!!
Eva

Branch, you really gave me some food for thought.  I already suggested to my father to not come and he accepted my offer.  I will leave it as is, since he's financially strapped.  I won't let my family ruin my day!  It will be addressed in time.  Right now, I'm too exhausted to fight.

Offline Dannysgirl

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #95 on: August 18, 2011, 11:42:57 PM »
DieNarrin that is awesome news...I am so happy for you
 :taz: :taz: :taz:
 :fd: :fd: :rate:
Dot

Offline Dannysgirl

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #96 on: August 18, 2011, 11:48:45 PM »
Eva, I am so sorry your family has let you down so and you must deal with this pain AS WELL as your husbands funeral....wish I could be there to give you a big hug, but this is the best I can do...
 :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:
Like the others have said, I also hope you find a way to let go of the pain and focus on the love you have for Jim to get you through the coming month. Take care of yourself and please allow your friends here at GJ to hold your hand and help ease you through the coming few weeks.
 :kiss2: :kiss2: :kiss2:
Dot

Offline sosad

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #97 on: August 19, 2011, 08:37:18 AM »
Eva, from the tone of your post, it sounds like you made a decision that is most comfortable for you.  Like you said, you'll deal with the other stuff another time.  That's a big step forward on this journey.

 :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

So Sad

Offline Eva

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #98 on: August 24, 2011, 05:46:58 PM »
I am so angry right now at my father.  He has his priorities in the wrong place.  I just went on Facebook (daily evening ritual for me) and saw dad's post from earlier.  Then in the comments his new sweetheart says she had a good talk with him then she trailed off to...10 days.  I made a comment to dad asking him "10 days to what".  I then commented that  his son-in-laws memorial service is in 24 days and thought money is tight!   He hasn't yet explained the 10 days.  To think that he has no money to come for my honey but has all the money in the world to see her....really ticks me off.

 :grrr: - Eva

Offline PaStfe

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #99 on: August 24, 2011, 06:47:57 PM »
Eva,

I know that you are hurt and angry and I wish that I could be there for you.  I wish that I could sit with you and let you vent for as long as you need to vent because you do need to vent and you have every right to do so.  But since I can't be there, I offer the following: keep venting here until you're exhausted or take the time right now to tell us your plans for the memorial service.  Do whatever you need to do right here because we all care about you and know your pain - perhaps not the exact pain, but we have all been sorely disappointed by family and people during our grief.

I care Eva - we all care because we know.

PaStfe

Offline Eva

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #100 on: August 24, 2011, 11:20:29 PM »
Finally the cat is out of the bag and my dad knows the real reason.  I am still angry with him.  This is what he told me today:
I was there for you and the family in March for a whole week. I used all bearevment leave and used vacation to be there almost exhausting my vacation time.

In March you told me the memorial service was going to be the first week of June and I was willing to fly in on Friday and fly back on Saturday because of a previous commitment for the Sunday. Later, you told me that was being cancelled until the fall for financial reasons. At that time (after March/before June) I do not recall any September dates being definitely set.

In the meantime I made commitments for the Labor Day week including airfare. Those tickets cannot be cancelled or exchanged. So those days are set. Airline reservations were made in July way before I knew the weekend of Jimmy's memorial.

So, I told dad:
In March, I asked you not to come and you came anyways. Yes, we cancelled the June memorial because the plot wasn't available to bury him. Joanne sent everyone and I forwarded you the info regarding that, so I sent plenty of notice about September memorial. Yes, I said not to come for this Sept service due to financial reasons. Don't worry about explaining yourself, I know where your heart is right now. I didn't want you to come anyways! I didn't get ONE CARD from anyone in my family for congrats on our wedding. Everyone in Jim's family sent cards and I felt like crap that not one came from my family.

I think that went well! - Eva



Offline Branch

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #101 on: August 25, 2011, 08:15:03 AM »
I'm so sorry this continues to gnaw at you and hurt you, Eva. :(
"...In my life, I loved you more..."
The Beatles

"Real love stories never have endings."
Richard Bach

Until We Meet Again
_________________________________

http://www.griefsjourney.com

Offline PaStfe

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #102 on: August 25, 2011, 06:34:13 PM »
Eva, as sad as it is, maybe the fact that your family failed to acknowledge your marriage is more the reason that they shouldn't participate in the memorial service.  Maybe your marriage was so special to you and Jim that it is best left to be attended only by those who will celebrate your life with him.  Maybe the hurt is too great right now for your family to be of comfort to you.  But I'm sure that there are other people who will provide you with the comfort that you need. Lean on them now.  Lean on us now.

PaStfe

Offline sosad

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #103 on: August 25, 2011, 10:11:08 PM »
Eva, a wise person once told me that families are great, except for the people in them. 

Sometimes you have to take a step back from all this negativity and surround yourself with people who can be of comfort.

Some people will never get it, and that's the reality of life.

Visit here often, as PaStfe, vent here.  It's good for the soul.

I give you hugs in comfort.

 :hug2: :hug2: :hug2:

So Sad

Offline Eva

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Re: Overwhelming feelings of grief or depression?
« Reply #104 on: August 25, 2011, 11:19:16 PM »
Thanks everyone!  PaStfe, I agree.  Since he didn't care enough about ME (his own daughter) and Jim, he should not participate in something that means the world to me and that's the memorial service.   This is the main reason why I told him not to come.  Those who love me and my beloved Jim will be there.  Those are the people I want there.  He feels that I have no reason to be upset and I feel that I have every reason to be upset with him.  Thanks for listening to me!  I miss my honey so much!  He was my "rock" and best friend.  He was the person I ran to when I needed to talk.  Now I feel so alone.  I'm glad I have you to listen to me because it seems that my family has turned their back to me.

Eva