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[Peggy]

I received this in an email today and thought it might help y'all.

Daniel and I used the ideas in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High in our work with couples, as well as in our own family. The authors define a crucial conversation as one where opinions vary, the stakes are high, and emotions run strong.

Conversations I've had with others after Daniel died seemed pretty darn crucial to me.

Peggy

[Branch]

Very good article, Peggy; thanks for sharing.

Wish those who need to read it could and would - the others - for us, it's preaching to choir.  It should be a handout at death, be it a handout by funeral homes, coroners, hospitals, hospices and so on, to the family, friends, employers, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. of the bereaved.

[Puck]

When someone's said something about god's will, or he's in a better place, I try really hard to just plaster on the fake smile, but I really want to punch them in the snoot for being insensitive, because what I hear them saying is that I should be happy Bobby is dead. From what I have seen, that's just not helpful to anyone grieving, believer or not, it just discounts the pain you feel.

I've found that most people just avoid my pain. Those that don't are precious and welcomed in my life. So I only share with people that can cope with my pain, and keep things on a surface, social level with everyone else.

[sosad]

Puck, yes, most people do avoid our pain.  When that happened to me, I started to weed my garden, to distance myself from those people.  Now, two years later, I realize that it was very difficult for them too.  They also suffered a loss, albeit in no way that could compare to mine, they were insensitive and in appropriate.  Perhaps I will be friendly with them again, one day, but not on the same level as before.

As for people telling me that my husband it's God's will and he's in a better place, I felt like screaming 'How do you know?'  The best place for my husband was by my side, living our mundane lives.

So Sad