Right Now I'm Really Missing...

[Branch]

When another joins our ranks and also joins us here on GJ, there's so much I wish to say, so many assurances I wish to give, so many worries, fears, and doubts I wish to appease; I'm sure others feel the same as they 'welcome' those new to grief.  The bulk of it, however, can only be understood through the passage and experience of time; trying to grasp what another tries to explain and describe further overwhelms an already overwhelmed state.

I love what you wrote, mixlass, it uncomplicates and brings understanding to the unfathomable.  I so well remember thinking it impossible that missing my husband could ever not hurt, that I could ever be or feel okay with it and accept it as part of my normal, yet as you said, it's there, something we do, something that just is.  It can be no more a part of our existence than blinking our eyes or swallowing.

Really beautiful.  Really simplistic and factual.  Love it; thanks.

  Sure wish I could deliver it in person.

[hazelcastle]

I've had hugs from friends this week but what I wouldn't give for a hug from my John.  I can't believe that it's over 15 months since he kissed me and gave me a hug. I used to long for him to come home. As I was stuck in the house with my depression I used to count down the hours and minutes waiting for him. I was thinking tonight that it was so long ago and that I don't know how I've made it this far.
hazelcastle

[hazelcastle]

I know it's not real mixlass but I'm sending you  and
hazelcastle

[Branch]

It snowed last night, but I didn't get to play hooky. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

One of my most favorite snow memories from yesteryear is of playing in the snow with my husband. My parents were visiting around this time of year - days before Christmas - and they babysat our son who was itsy bitsy at the time, while my husband and I attended my office Christmas Gala (they really were galas). When we came home, instead of heading for bed, we put on our play clothes, grabbed the snow tube and headed for the sledding hill behind our house.

We had to have played for an hour or more; we had a free overnight sitter, doancha NOSE! It must have been a full moon - a Clement Clarke Moore type moon cuz it gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below at 1 o'clock in the morning.

Being his wife was such fun - he was my best friend, my best playmate, and more. This song, It Snowed, reminds me of snow play days with my husband. I've always been a kid about snow and being from CT, he thought I was a bit nuts for getting so very excited about snowfall.

I surely do miss him.

[blondie nyc]

Miss him so.Teared up at the gym.....................going to see friends shortly. Was going to stay home but then decided to go out. Need some hugs. Didn't hear from the stepkids.....................kinda sad and kinda not. Hard to keep being involved with them w/o Sam. But nonetheless, speaking or seeing them every now and then is good. Don't think I will ever get over missing him on the holidays as he was my family and the gal pals just don't fulfill the same way. Grateful for them but so not the same at all. Miss his muscles and reassurances that all will be fine. And for what its worth, I was less accident prone when he was around:)
Merry Bah Humbug to all!

[mixlass]

Merry Bah Humbug to you too, blondie ... feeling pretty much the same way tonight 
Virtual    to yer ... sometimes you just need a real one though 

[hazelcastle]

I was less accident prone too when my John was here blondie. Really miss his hugs and jokes. Got replies this week from people I hadn't notified about John passing away. That was one job I had been dreading. Had a few phone calls as well from long lost friends, (lots of tears), mostly from people we had met on holiday and just sent Christmas cards to. Keep thinking what's going to happen next. Nearly fell down the stairs tonight, my knee gave way. Think I may have damaged it when I fell a few weeks ago. I put on an elastic bandage and hope that helps for now.
Hope everybody makes it through the day tomorrow.
hazelcastlei

[sarah]

I miss Milan walking into our house from work.

 I miss him walking in and yelling "hey babe...hey babe..hey babe" He'd yell it multiple times until he heard me yell back or see me.  And when he saw me he'd smile with his eyes and wrap his arms around me.  I miss his arms around me, hugging my baby.

I could make an endless miss list, as everyone else here could. 

I miss all of him, but for now, at this moment, the thing I miss the most, his touch.  Feeling his hands and arms against me.  I miss that.

[hazelcastle]

      Really missing my John to-day. Love you John always and forever.
hazelcastle

[blondie nyc]

Miss him and all we lost as well. But I sometimes do hear his laughter if only in my head.

[Branch]

The Masters Golf Tournament began today.  My husband and I loved to watch the Masters in particular because Augusta is such a beautiful course especially this time of year; we love azaleas.  In Richmond, VA, where my husband and I met, there is a public park called Bryant Park.  Bryant Park is loaded, loaded, loaded with azaleas - the nearby shopping mall was called Azalea Mall because there were vistas of Bryant Park's azaleas.  In the spring time, my husband and I would spend more time than usual in Bryant Park because of the beautiful azalea gardens.

Anyway, I finally broke down and purchased a medium sized, 46" HDTV this past fall.  Wistfully, I said to my son the other day when a Master's promo came on that I sure do wish I could be watching the Master's with his dad this year.  I'll be gaga over the Augusta National course with its lush fairways and greens, its beautiful azaleas, dogwoods and wisteria and its water and I'll be wishing I were sitting next to husband.  Tonight he'd be happy geezers are atop the leader board.

Blowing kisses.

[Branch]

Right now I'm really missing making plans like I used to make for the long holiday weekend that kicks off summer.

[blondie nyc]

Really missing having had my man around for the long weekend and to enjoy the summer weather

[Branch]

I hear you, blondie. 

[gator904]

 My brother and I went to a casino last nite, and wow it brought back alot of memories of Lori and My last trip to las vegas, she wanted one last trip after she got sick, So I took her in Oct last yr, She had to be in a wheel chair, and only able to go a few hours at a time, then take her to room so could sleep a few hrs, then take her back out for a while, I found a letter, she wrote me when we were there,  she had it put away were she new I would find it later, after she passed, God I was a Lucky man, Now I am going back thru the anger state, Just when I think I am going forward, I start questioning ever thing I do, , I am mad at God. and the world I want her back, I would give my life for an hr with her, I guess today I got my answers about being ready for a true new romance, I am not! I dont want a new romance, I want my old romance back,,,I think first grandchild coming next month is really bothering me also, I am excited, and pissed that Lori wont be here, besides me there are so many that still need her, I am sorry, but I dont have faith in God today, and may he strike me down, I really dont care!!!